


To Be Human Again

by bilgegungoren00



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/M, Reunion Fic, post 2x22, prepare for angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 20:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11631078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bilgegungoren00/pseuds/bilgegungoren00
Summary: She released the lead into the atmosphere, the lead that she knew would kill him, sacrificing him for the good of everyone else. For the good of a city of strangers. A human wouldn’t be able to do that, but she did.Or, in which Kara comes home to a surprise after a very hard day.





	To Be Human Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all :)
> 
> Soooooo two fanfics in a day? Wow, I so was NOT planning to do that, but, oh well, what can you do when inspiration hits you at the worst moment, right? Except writing of course....
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this!
> 
> Story inspired by: https://twitter.com/stargazer0118/status/868277909793800192

Kara could barely see the lock on the door because of the tears in her eyes, no matter how much she’d tried to blink them away. It seemed like when she got rid of one wave of tears, whether it was because they started sliding down her cheeks or clung to her lashes, a fresh wave of tears replaced them. Not that it came as a surprise to her; she’d learned in the last seven months, over and over again, that getting rid of your tears wasn’t as easy as one hoped it would be, _especially_ if pain was churning in your stomach and you felt seconds away from crumbling down.

And that wouldn’t be much of a problem, she’d basically gotten used to crying at this point…if she wasn’t trying to place the key in the lock right now and unlock her door. Once she’d gotten that done she’d be free to curl up on her couch and cry all she wanted, releasing the sobs that she’d been trying to stifle for what felt like forever as she crushed a pillow in her arms. But she needed to get _inside_ first, because she honestly didn’t want to do that in the corridor where anyone could see her. She wanted to be alone, above everything else she just wanted to be _alone_.

Well, okay, that wasn’t entirely true. She wanted a certain someone by her side, but since that was impossible… Being alone it would be.

She pressed her lips together to push back a sob, muttering a curse inside as she tried to jam the key inside the lock again, missing it because of her blurred vision and shaky fingers. A groan escaped her lips at that. She was _this close_ to tightening her fist, crushing the key in her hand, and kicking the door open instead when she wiped away her tears in frustration. She tried to take in a deep breath, she tried to take in _several_ deep breaths, yet even then neither her anger dissipated nor her tears disappeared, so much so that she was forced to give up eventually. She’d blinked again as she focused back on the door, at least as much as she could, tightening her grip on her key to hold it steady.

She wanted to scream when the key jammed into the door again. And with that the last tether she was holding onto snapped, the last tether that bound her to reality and logic, and she gave up, crushing the key in her fist. She honestly couldn’t even care what her neighbors would think if they saw her right now, she couldn’t care about _anything else_ other than getting inside before breaking apart. So she put her hand on the door and pushed, using her super strength, even kicking the door at some point when she felt a sob escape her lips. And finally the door flew open, crashing into the counter standing next to it, the broken lock falling down onto the ground.

The only thing Kara did was push it away with her foot as she closed the door, harshly pulling the counter in front of it to keep it closed. She’d get someone to fix it tonight…tomorrow…whenever she managed to calm down enough to think clearly, but it certainly wasn’t _right now._ Besides, she was Supergirl. She could handle a robber.

_Supergirl._ She almost wanted to laugh at that. Not because… Not because that wasn’t who she was anymore, but because lately, it felt like…it felt like Supergirl was all she was. An alien. A Kryptonian. _Kara Zor-El._ The only time she wore the mask of Kara Danvers was when she was at CatCo; as soon as she got out of there she ripped it off, whether it was literally as in donning the cape, or emotionally…as in being an _alien_ instead of a human. She didn’t feel much of a human lately anyway. Because humans… Humans cared. _Truly_ cared. They loved fiercely, they devoted themselves to their loved ones, and they never let anything tear them apart from those people. But she…she’d forced Mon-El to leave earth, didn’t she? She released the lead into the atmosphere, the lead that she knew would _kill_ him, sacrificing him for the good of everyone else. For the good of a city of _strangers._ A human wouldn’t be able to do that, but she did. Because…

Because she was not a human. She was _Supergirl,_ she was _Kara Zor-El,_ she was the hero of earth, and when it came down to it she’d always choose the greater good over the people that she loved. She’d _tried_ to be human, she’d _tried_ to be Kara Danvers, she’d tried to have _everything_ she wanted…but it all crumbled down. It all crumbled down the moment she chose to use that lead device. And she’d _chosen_ to use it, didn’t she? She didn’t have to, at least not in literal terms. Yet she had. She had chosen to lose Mon-El to save everyone else. And that day… That day was the day she’d truly realized how _stupid_ it’d been for her to try and be _Kara Danvers_ , to try and blend in with humans when she wasn’t one of them. When she didn’t love, when she didn’t care the way they did. When she was a hero, and as a hero, she’d always have to put the good of everyone else before her.

The words she’d told Mon-El a couple of months ago rang in her ears at that thought. _Supergirl is what I can do, Kara is who I am._ She’d truly believed that, she’d truly believed she _was_ Kara Danvers then, but now she realized it’d just been a big fat lie. It’d just been the hopeful, optimistic part of her thinking she could have it all, thinking she wouldn’t have to make sacrifices, thinking she _could_ be human and a superhero at the same time. But she’d been wrong. Because she _wasn’t_ Kara. She was Supergirl, she’d _always_ been Supergirl deep down, and she couldn’t change that. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t change that. Because if she’d been Kara… If she’d been a human… Mon-El would be here right now, with her, instead of out there in space, Rao knew where. If she were a human she’d be with him instead of crying after him every single night, clutching his pillow in her hands and wearing one of his t-shirts, trying and failing to calm herself, to be okay. She’d never be okay. Kara Danvers would never be okay.

But Supergirl… Supergirl _had to be_ okay, Supergirl _had to be_ strong for the sake of the city… So that was who she would be. Outside, that was who she’d be, that was who she _was._ Even at CatCo, to some degree, she was Supergirl, with her steel-skin protecting and shutting out every single “human” thought. The only place she truly felt like Kara was…here, when she came home and let herself break down, when she came home and cried, when she came home and allowed her to miss him, to reminisce him, to let her heart shatter under the pain of losing him. She only let herself be vulnerable in the confinement of these four walls in which she could be alone, in which no one needed her to be Supergirl, in which she could be as vulnerable and… _human_ as she wanted to be. Like right now, when she dropped her bag hastily on the floor and went to the kitchen island before her knees gave out, throwing herself onto one of the stools and pressing her palms over the island to steady herself. Her eyes were shut so tightly in a desperate attempt to keep away her tears that she didn’t even notice the piece of jewelry lying right next to her hands, at least until she moved one of them and her finger hit the small stone.

A frown pulled her brows when she felt that, remembering quite clearly that she didn’t put anything on the kitchen island, and her eyes fluttered open at their own accord. She still had to blink several times to get rid of the blurriness on the vision until she was able to focus on whatever her fingers hit—

She came to a complete stop when she saw the piece of jewelry lying right in front of her. Her heart rate slowed down a bit at that as she tried to process what she was seeing, blinking again and again to make sure it wasn’t a dream. Because it had to be a dream, right? The necklace… It couldn’t be here. She’d gave it to… She’d gave it to Mon-El seven months ago, as he was about to leave Earth, so that he would always have a piece of her with him. So that he’d never be alone. There was no way that it could be back here right now, unless…

She reached forward with shaky fingers as she tried to cut off that thought, tried to squash the small bit of hope that blossomed in her heart. Even though her fingers had just bumped into it, a part of her still thought that she would be gripping air when she wrapped a hand around the chain of the necklace…but she only felt the coldness of the chain in her palm. And that was when she truly froze. Because she could not only _see_ the necklace, but she could _feel_ it. She could even _move_ it as she lifted her head, letting the small stone dangle from it. It was there. _It was there._ Which had to mean…if this wasn’t some cruel joke…that he…

She jumped up from her seat, dropping the necklace on the island, when her ears picked up footsteps in the room, so harshly that her stool fell do the ground with a thump, yet she could barely hear it. She could barely focus on _anything_ other than the figure standing at the other side of her house with his hands tucked into his pockets. The figure that…that resembled someone familiar…that resembled _him_ as he stepped forward, coming into the sunlight that drifted into the house from her windows…

Kara felt her breath getting caught in her throat when she saw him—truly saw him for the first time. And it was him. It was… It was _Mon-El_ standing there, with his messy dark brown hair and gray-blue eyes, it was him standing there in one of his plaid shirts and jeans that were oh-so familiar to her, it was him with… It was him. With everything that he had it was _him._ It was _Mon-El_.

She felt tears fill her eyes and blur her vision all over again at the realization, especially when she saw one corner of his lips tip up in a smile. His eyes were so full of hope, happiness, and relief as the light reflected off of them, off of the unshed tears in them, that they looked more blue than gray now. Not that it mattered. As long as he was here…nothing else mattered.

“Hi,” he breathed a couple of seconds later, as if he couldn’t even find his voice until then, and stepped forward again. Only then Kara noticed his hands were shaking. She felt her heart crack at that, crack at how much he obviously seemed to have missed her, at least just as much as she missed him, and there was a time she’d thought that wasn’t possible. And yet… And yet as Mon-El stood in front of her, just a couple of feet away, she realized that she was wrong. A part of her wanted to hurl herself at him at that, wanted to wrap her arms around his shoulders and pull him close, wanted to bury her face to the crook of his neck and breathe his scent in…but she was frozen. She was frozen as she looked at him, as she tried to take everything in, all of her neurons firing at the same time, and she couldn’t do anything. She couldn’t do anything other than looking at him with her tongue tied and her muscles locked.

But at least he wasn’t in the same position, at least he could move as he stood in front of her, closing the distance between them to less than a couple of feet. His eyes searched her face tentatively, as if he wanted to make sure she was real and there, that he was with her, until the smile on his face widened. “I’m here,” he whispered, his voice so low that Kara doubted she’d be able to hear it without her superhearing. “I’m back.”

She didn’t know if it was those words that finally got her to snap out of her thoughts, or it was the tear sliding down Mon-El’s cheeks, but she finally managed to unlock her muscles as tears rushed into her eyes. “Mon-El…” she found herself whispering with a cracked voice, and before even _she_ could realize what was happening she was moving towards him. Their chests collided merely milliseconds later and her arms went around his shoulders, pulling him close, as close as he could get, hugging him so tightly that a part of her was worried she might be hurting him. But he didn’t complain. He didn’t say anything other than a hearty chuckle as he hugged her back, his arms going around her waist, pulling her towards him until she found herself standing on her tiptoes. But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because he was there, he was back, and she could…she could feel him. She could feel his touch, she could feel his arms, she could feel his hands that combed through her hair, she could feel his breath on her shoulder… She could feel him. All of him, proving that…that this wasn’t a dream. That this was real, because even though she’d dreamt of being with him several times, it never felt this real. It never felt this…good, with her heart slamming against her ribs and happy tears streaming down her face. She shut her eyes before burying her face to his shoulder, not being able to stifle her sobs as her chest began to shake. Though she wasn’t really sure if it was _her_ that was shaking, or it was _him…_ or both of them. It was probably the last one, she’d decided as she balled his shirt in her fists.

“You’re here,” she whispered, needing to say it out loud, needing to hear it so that she could be _sure_ it was real. And surely enough, she could hear it. Not only that, but she could still feel him in her arms, and that… It felt so, _so_ good that even she was surprised. She could’ve never imagined it would feel this good, and yes, she’d imagined reuniting with him enough times to be considered unhealthy.

“You’re… You’re back,” she repeated his words, pulling at the strands of his hair as she tried to blink her tears away. Mon-El nodded as he lifted his head and pressed a kiss on her cheek, and it was only then Kara felt that his cheeks were wet too. He was crying too.

“I am,” he said with a tear-strained voice as he tightened his grip around her, bringing another rush of tears to Kara’s eyes. She had to grip his shoulders tightly to keep herself from breaking down—not that it would happen, she realized later. Mon-El was here now, and he was holding her so tightly that never mind breaking, she could feel all of her shattered pieces come together. She still wasn’t perfectly complete, she could feel the cracks and scars between those pieces…but it was more than she’d had in months. It was more than she’d had since she lost him, and she held onto that, onto _him,_ not wanting to let him go _ever again._

“Kara, I am… I’m here. I’m… I’m with you.” It seemed like he was saying it not only to reassure her but to reassure himself too, especially when he pulled back slightly to look at her face. Though he hadn’t let her waist go, as if he didn’t want to step away from her for even one second, worrying that she might disappear if he did. He lifted a shaky hand slowly to cup her cheek, and Kara felt herself shudder under his touch. Her eyes fluttered close as she leaned her cheek against his palm, savoring the way he swiped his thumb over her cheekbone and wiped away a tear. And she was pretty sure it was a really small thing, compared to him being with her, but it just felt _amazing_ to have someone, to have _him_ to wipe her tears away after days and weeks and months of wiping her cheeks herself, her hands getting so wet that it seemed like they washed them. But now…now he was there, he was with her, and she didn’t have to be alone anymore. Not just in crying but in…in anything. She didn’t have to be alone. She didn’t have to hurt. She didn’t have to put on the steel skin of Supergirl and pretend to be okay because that was what heroes did. She didn’t have to tell herself over and over again that she couldn’t break down because heroes had to stay strong. She had _him_ now, she had _him_ back, and once again…once again the possibility of having everything was in front of her. The possibility of…of being human again. Of being Kara Danvers again.

Her throat knotted at that thought as she opened her eyes to look at him, realizing just how much she missed to be human. And now…now she could have that again. With Mon-El by her side…she could have it all again.

“How?” She found herself whispering the question seconds later without her intention. She moved one of her hands to his shoulders and squeezed it, savoring not only that he was here but she could _do_ this, she could hold him as tightly as she could without worrying about hurting or breaking him. Yet even then the question kept circling in her mind as she bit down on her lip. “Lead is still… The atmosphere is poisonous… How?” She could only talk in unintelligible fragments, but it seemed like Mon-El understood her as he laughed, not even bothering to wipe his tears away. He seemed like he didn’t want to move his hands away from Kara even for something as brief as that.

“There was… There was this group of superheroes… Legion of Superheroes, they called themselves,” he started to explain, a frown appearing on his face as he tried to gather up his thoughts together. A part of Kara couldn’t help thinking how cute he looked like that, especially as she gripped the nape of his neck and forced her tears away, wanting to see him fully and not through a curtain of tears. He cleared his throat to get rid of the hoarseness in his voice before he continued. “They… They helped me find a cure for my…for my lead allergy and…and come here. They helped me come back to… _you.”_ He searched her face, as if to see if that explanation had been enough for her, to see if he needed to go on. And Kara was pretty sure there would be a time a group of superheroes would get her so curious that she’d bombard Mon-El with questions about them, and she was pretty sure that time would come later, but right now…as she looked at him…she found that she didn’t care. Right now, she didn’t care _how_ he came back, she only cared that…that he did. That he was here. She moved her hand to stroke his cheek, his stubble biting lightly into her palm, and offered him a tearful smile.

“I’m just glad you’re back,” she whispered, afraid that she’d start crying all over again if she talked louder. She cupped his cheeks, her eyes traveling on his face, trying to memorize every single feature of it before her tears blurred her vision again. And when that happened she reached up to press her lips on his. It started slowly at first, as if both of them were savoring the fact that they could kiss each other for a moment, until Kara parted her lips and deepened the kiss. A moan escaped her lips when she felt Mon-El running his fingers through her hair, almost pulling at the strands, his other hand finding its way to her waist and tugging her close. He seemed like he wanted to close every bit of distance between him and her…not that she could blame him for it, as she wasn’t in a different situations. She gripped his shoulder and went up to her tiptoes so that their lips would align and it would be easier to reach him. She felt herself shudder when their chests flushed with each other. And it almost hurt, how tightly they both were holding each other, with their nails even biting into each other’s skin every now and then…yet she didn’t care. She’d take that over the ache of losing him every time. She’d take every single reminder of having him back over losing him, even if it hurt, even if she felt like she couldn’t breathe anymore, which was certainly how she felt about the kiss. She had to pull back at some point when even her alien lungs weren’t able to take the breathlessness. And she come face to face with his gray-blue eyes, watching her with such love, such passion that it almost took her breath away all over again. He moved his hand from her hair to her cheek, stroking it lightly, as if to remind her and himself that she was there, that she was real and…and they were together.

_They were together._

Tears filled her eyes all over again at that as she wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin over his shoulder, trying to blink her tears away. The words left her mouth without her intention. “Stay with me.” There was so much more she wanted to say other than that, starting with how much she missed him, how lost she felt without him, how she never wanted to experience his loss ever again, but she couldn’t muster the words. So she hoped that he could hear all of that in her voice, he could hear just how she _loved_ him, unconditionally and irrevocably.

And it seemed like he did, especially as he lightly chuckled and rubbed her back, pressing a small kiss on her temple. “Always,” he mumbled under his breath. She felt him hug her again at that, his grip around her tight even with his shaky arms, and she let out a shuddered breath that she hadn’t even realized she was holding. _Always._ That was what he said, that was what he’d promised. He’d _always_ stay with her, he’d _always_ be with her.

Kara felt her broken pieces come together with that, not only just _coming_ together but also healing the cracks between them, and for the first time in seven months… She felt whole. For the first time there wasn’t this hole in her chest where he used to be, where _Kara Danvers_ used to be. At that moment, staying in his arms, she felt that part of her return, she felt _Kara_ return to her, and finally… Finally she felt good. Finally she wasn’t just Supergirl, she wasn’t just Kara Zor-El, or a hero, or an alien. She was… She was Kara Danvers, the person that loved Mon-El with all of her heart, the person that was as vulnerable and flawed as a human…but realer than any of her other identities. She had that back now. She had Kara back, she had back who she truly was, all thanks to Mon-El.

And as she held onto him… She promised herself that she’d never lose that. She’d never let that go away again; she’d keep him close even if it was the last thing she did.

She’d be damned if she didn’t keep that promise.


End file.
